I found it very sad to discover always HE seems so small and little in my heart. Just so little.
Sometimes, seems like His voice just leak out somewhere in my heart, subtle but I jus dun wanna discover or take important notice.
I chose to believe in a lot a lot of the things. Sometimes, He is not my first choice.
I got excited in what He is saying but not actually taking action in doing it because I dun know how to.
Yesterday, we were singing “He regins”, repeating this sentence.
YEAH, for HE regins. But Does He regins in my heart, or He just regins in LG, or only in Church lecture threate.
He is the creator of ALL, He regins in us, in the world.
But sometimes, I found myself so limited, restrainted in what i can do whom HE is not limited.
A long pathway comes with a lot of decisions.
I am seeking, trying, praying for my decisions are filled with GOD inside.
But sometimes, not because of what i saw the kind of blessings come alone with the decisions i made making me to keep going on to seek Him. But the kind of Hope i have on Him and Faith i have to hold on to.
It seems to be a dilamma within myself.
My holiday is coming to an end soon, i was so looking forward to this break since last year but when i come to this point, i am not that excited.
Sometimes, what we think we needed doesn’t mean it is nesscarily important.
Knowing His voice all the times letting me feel safe. Not what i can see but i know i am secure.
HE is BIG but He can be small in our hearts.
He cares our weaknesses.
PS: I will share my thoughts through this blog, gals, leave out ur updates so we would be keep in touch.
THANK YOU LORD! For everything.
I dun think i am always graceful to what God has done in my Life which i should.
When i look back, it’s been such a great, unexpected, life changing journey i have gone thr and gonna cont’
I am not a facebook expert, but it does helped me to catch up with fds i haven’t meet or contact for ages.
Seeing how much all of us has changed, different ways we have all gone. I thank god for his divine appointment, bringing me to brisbane, to know Him and grow in Him.
If God did what i have never expected which is perfect for me, He would do it now and in the future.
If God has blessed our lives, He would bless our lives and make it as testimonies to bless many in the future.
We didn’t expected what has happened to us in the past and we may have no ideas about our future.
If God has brought us so far without us expecting it, He can do it now and in the future.
God has done it in my life, a great miracle. And He will surely do it in my life according to His will.
I believe not because I know what exactly is gonna happen but i know it will happen. His perfect will.
Little faith I have, Great thing He can do.
Small person as I am, Great God that He is.
Little that I know, Great Wisdom which He has.
When I see mountains after mountains,
He see His promises.
I know Him so little,
He knows me more than i could discover.
I wish a little part i could be in
Your great plan.
God, things that i don’t know
You have full control.
May I trust u more,
So I can do more.
More of your work in my life.
Haze
Sorry for the late update. I found out that i am not really a blogger. haha..But of course doesn’t mean that i dun experience anything during this long half a year.
Starting Daniel 3 with great bunch of ppl. This Journey is great and hard. I guess, some of the moments are filled with happiness, some are filled with hardness, some are filled with pressure, some are filled with tears.
But seeing how God has blessed us with great ppl in Daniel 3, I know that it’s Him not me.
During this journey, getting to know more about myself. Knowing who i am. Get to experience a period of time, didn’t really hear from God, lots of distraction but also lots of things on my plate. Tiredness, sadness, loniness filled most of the time. Frustration comes. Knowing myself is not perfect, or even ugly to be honest. I hate my weaknesses making me can’t do everything, I hate my emotions distracting me to focus, I hate ‘No’ in my body systems making me slow down. I found it hard to work with myself if it sounds reasonable.
Days after days, I thought I failed God. Tried to do harder and harder. Later on, I know that I actually hate to failed Myself. I hate to fail, I hate to show to others I can’t do all the things, I hate myself. Coz Haze, U are not up to Haze’s standard. What a hard Life!
Although I hate the fact that I am not perfect, I am who God made me to be.
One day God said to me after 7 days of cold, sickleave, rest which i normally wouldn’t allow myself to have (I am a workholic). heee… “U would be more like me, is a progress.” It is hard to start knowing the fact at the first point but i am glad that i am on the progress and He is molding me in a process.
What is good knowing more about myself is to enjoy doing the things i like to do. hahah..Used to feel guilty about this, but I hope i will utilize what God has give to me. Would like to pick up some art if I have Time, reading fashion mac for lesiure time, playing drum to keep up my learning, reading books…..
Currently reading a book written by Joyce Meyer ‘How to succeed at being yourself’. A book of season.
Through this journey reflecting myself through the mirror, I know God more, How He works.
Not as easy as imagine but a good time to go thr.
might stop here, to be continue
oxox
Haze
I do ask God lots of times ”Why?” ”Why me?” ”Why not?” ”Why now?” and so lots of other WHY.
Sometimes we dun like the ”Because” from God. We stopped Him when He says ”Because…”
Sometimes we escape from God’s ”Because” because we are so afraid to hear His ”Because…”
Sometimes we so want the things we asked for, we ignore God’s ”because”. Because God’s ”Because” is not the ”Because” that we want.
I have to admit that, sometimes the reason of God’s plan doesn’t match with mine. I hate to hear His ”Because” coz I want my dreams, my desire, my wants and my plan. I hate uncertainly, i hate giving up on things close to my heart, i hate delining myself coz God, i dun understand your ”Because”. It is just so hard to understand, so hard….
But you know what, I would like to know what’s behind God’s ”because”. I know He says to believe in Him, to trust, to have faith and it is to prosper not to harm.
As Christian, everyday of our lives, we are to understand more of God’s plan in our lives and for His ppl. We dun understand a lot at this point of time but we will understand more and more after days. It is His purpose for us to follow Him by making a choice out of willingness and to be transformed by Him daily.
It might not be clear yet,
but behind His ”Because”, there is always a great purpose.
We are to believe His ”Because” to us is always for our good.
Thank you LORD!
Haze
Well, I would like to focus on you but I am still holding on my will so tightly.
I guess, before 2009, before I start to do what i have promised to God, He wants me to first let go. But truly, I have never know that ‘to let go’ is so hard becoz I hold things so tightly.
Throughout this one month or more, I struggled and still with a lot of things. I didn’t know and still don’t know fully the reason of feeling very down and lost during this period of time. But one thing I know He wants me to ‘let go’, to serve our king, we have to put aside our dreams and desire, feelings and lots of strong will behind so I would be able to focus on God. I know now not from the beginning, to be able to serve and grow to the full potential, i have to let go. To be able to think sharply and focus rightly on God, this is essential.
For His will, I would follow and be obedient. God shows me what is more important at this moment and during this period of time.
To be able to focus, i would choose to walk on this path God has asked me to. I thank God, His direction to me is always very clear no matter what. He always let me know it is Him.
Let’s do it! God, please do it with me. As I always pray, please show me your way so I know I am doing your work.
I am ready and I am willing.
Haze
I am so confused these days which i wouldn’t wanna face the real world. May be in another word is not willing to listen to the truth. Escaping is usually what ppl would do when facing something they dont wanna see or know.
24 hours a day, most of the day i am surrounded and being influenced by the world. Affecting by all the lies the world is telling me.
How much time a day i am spending to listen to God and reading His word. A little test told me how much of desire I have to chase after the truth. Not what the world tells me but what God tells me.
I guess somehow I am over confident on myself, over estimate my power. That somehow i don’t know i am in the battlefield and i need God to help and strengthen me to fight against the enemy.
The most powerful lie is to tell u that u are safe, you are now not in a battlefield and u are secure. The lier is telling u that noone is lying to u which is just a big lie. I am a bit confused and i dun know if u would understand but the truth is we are living in a world that is lying to us every single min.
Looking beyond what the world can see and see beyond what we can understand. When i look back and even now, what i can see is just so little which i pray i would see things in a greater measure through God’s eyes and His wisdom. Because He is the only one who can open up our mind and understanding.
I pray that i would always be reminded by the Holy Spirit that lies are always surrounding me which only Jesus is the truth to overcome the world. Through His words, not only me but the world would be transformed by Him and has already overcame by Him.
I might not like to know the world is cruel but the truth is We are in a battlefield. But we can fight for it, the victory in God.
Haze
‘ Have you forgotten about Me?’ God asked me.
‘ Is that just all I desire and planned it all according to my will? I asked myself.
May be I have been leaving God behind my mind.
Having all these travelling in Malayisa, singapore and HK, God has teached me such a great lesson. Somehow ppl letting themselves doing a lot of stuff, giving themselves lots of reason just to back up the thing they wanna do deep inside their hearts. If God didn’t tell me, I thought I am fine on my way doing things MY way without noticing it. I thought i quit wanting to control my life since i became a christian but i didn’t. The fact has told me, i am still very selfish in my own ways. I have been asking myself, why can’t I just let go whatever on my mind and hands and just let God to have the control. ‘No’, my heart cried out because I want it ‘Now’ and telling God ‘I just want this.’ The fact is I put the things I love above God. I look over God. I did.
God always open up my mind and my eyes to see things. It is not pleasant seeing myself being selfish in my ways doing things but I am glad i have God and He is willing always to remind me with the ways i am walking to. Somehow, hearts and eyes are being stubborn and wouldn’t like to see the truth and things God want to show us just because I don’t like wht God is gonna show me. One day, I prayed saying to Him, ‘God, may you show me your perspectives.’ But He says this to me. ‘Only when you are willing to hear.’ I know, a lot of times, i wouldn’t have the humble heart to hear what God wants to tell me coz i am afraid to hear, I dun want to hear and I dun like to face the truth.
To be the one truly want to Follow has to Allow God to speak and Giving the willing heart to hear.
Being me, a child of God. It is not about being ABLE to hear but being WILLING to hear.
It is not about ability but availablility.
I pray that everytime when i come to God, may there is no ‘I’ but ‘God’. Let me ‘let go’ to God’s ways. His perfect will.
Haze
Oops …So many complaints have been received with my never updating blog!! Sorry guys but it doesn’t mean i am stopped growing in God…heee^^
An exciting journey has started, as expected it is not easy but i know this is the right way to go.
On this earth, we have got lots and heaps of choices. But are we making choices for our own Good or for the sake of God’s kingdom. I have to admit, in our lives, a lot and a lot of decision we have to make and sometimes it is not easy. But if God says so, we know what He says and asks us to do is the best choice to make. A lot of times, i thought i have put God first but instead i guess i didn’t actually. Packed schedule and asking God how could i manage all these, but God will ask me to fit in His agenda rather than I fit Him in my agenda. Simple thing, but it shows our hearts.
I pray that i could focus on Him in the coming years, grow as much as I can in Him. Wouldn’t turn back or swinging left and right but to focus. I know that what He wants and as He says so, i am secure in His way, i have faith in all things, i know this is the best way. So, i just wanna commit everything onto Him and wouldn’t worry about how He gonna lead me or where. But i know and i know for sure, i will be closer and closer to my father.
If we make a choice for God, and following and obeying Him, He will honor us.
Let’s us not to fear! To follow…To walk in faith!
Luv,
Haze
Many times, I just feel myself so inadequate for His will in my life.
No matter how much encouragement He has been given to me, I don’t have that courage to step up. Am I allowing myself to be driven by discouragement or by His courage. I know He is the only one who can help me with the situation but a lot of times, I refuse to seek His help. Do I love Him enough or Do I trust Him enough. It is so hard sometimes, you are a bit lost, a bit frustrated, a bit not knowing what to do.
But Lord, i refuse to give up though it might be hard. But I know what U do through me will do good purposes in people’s life. It is not abt me but U so that I will truly see your purposes in my life and the others. God, enlarge my heart so i can see beyond what i can see. Help me not to struggle but to respond what u hve called us to do.
It is abt God not us.
Haze
I remember when i was young and even now, someone likes to tell me half of the stories and stop telling me the rest of the stories. Delay after delay and i forgot about asking the ending but suddenly they will come up again and tell me the rest.
It is very hard, God is telling me lots of stories, about someone elses, about my family, my fds and my lifes. I used to keep asking God what is gonna happen, chasing after God for the rest of the stories. I am so excitied and so much want to know the rest of them. But yet, I am only the one who is listening but God is the one telling. There are a lot of chapters in our lifes with different stages, God is revealing them to us bit by bit, day by day, pieces by pieces so we would see a great, beautiful and whole picture at the end. And i am sure at that time we would say ‘Wow, God! You are amazing!’. But the problem is, we always tend to loss our patience, sometimes trying to do thing ahead of God’s timing, and then end up in a mess. Going back to our Father, repenting and asking for comfort. At that time, God probably will say ‘ I have told u and now u know.’ We don’t always necessary letting ourselves to go through the consequencess so coming to know the outome. He told us in advance and why don’t we just follow and obey.
It is very hard, I know. Coz it is like the stories are going so exciting and amazingly but God says ‘to be continue…’ God is not gonna tell us until we are ready so to protect us no matter how many times we cry out, we chase after, we argue with Him.
He sometimes tell us things in advance to prevent us from doing wrong, also to prepare us for coming things, to strengthen us, to give us confidence.
Don’t forget what god has told us but indeed put it so deeply in our heart that we would never forget. So when the time God reveals that to us once again, we would apprepricate Him so much more. He has a purpose whatever He does. But would we just trust in Him and desire to see a bigger picture rather than what we can see at this moment.
If God says, not yet, wait. Let’s us be obedience, to put that message, that book to the bookshelf. Always remember and not to forget but not letting it occupy too much of your walk with God until when the time God asks us to take that book out once again, I am sure, we will understand it so much better. Truly…
I love how God puts things together in our lives according to His ways and ways he teaches us~ Love it
Haze
